Just some rules I have made for myself that have served me well. So I thought I would share…
Don’t assume they’re judging you
I don’t know why this is always so hard to get through our tiny pea brains but it is and just needs constant reminding. When that small ugly voice in the back of your head starts picking on all your insecurities, telling you that the people around you notice these things that you don’t like about yourself, it is a lie. Shut the chatterbox. Because more times than none, the opposing person doesn’t notice what you think they do. They don’t care about whatever you’re convinced they care about and in their brain, they’re just thinking about how you’re noticing all of their insecurities, which you’re not because you’re doing the same thing back. And on goes the mental battle of negative thinking and no one benefits from any of it. So don’t assume they’re judging you. Give people a bit more credit than that and if they are one of those people that pick apart other people’s insecurities, then don’t worry because that says more about them than it does you!
Assume they’re elderly
I know everyone seems to think the world is ending and apparently we must be in a rush everywhere we go. But picture this… you’re on your way to somewhere important and this new vehicle has pulled in front of you after turning at a roundabout. This person now proceeds 15km slower than you were previously driving at and a good 10km under the speed limit. You move a little closer just to give their peripherals a little nudge but they remain in moderation. This continues for a while. You get frustrated, you’re now making lines with your face, your blood is boiling, you keep moving closer and closer but they don’t seem to go any faster; you get so angry you curse, you grunt or even beep the horn! We get to the next round about and as the driver in front makes a right, we discover it was a very elderly gentlemen, wearing glasses, completely oblivious to his surroundings. You now feel like an asshole and the last several minutes of driving in frustration were completely unnecessary. Now I, like apparently not many others, hate road rage. I understand that some people need that small moment of exasperated release or its just become completely habitual and you don’t realise you’re doing it. Either way, I don’t like being around it, I don’t like being tested by it and thats just me. But you cannot deny that when examples like these happen, you feel (I hope) a glimpse of guilt. Whenever there is a learner driver in front of us, we pardon them, we cut them some slack, back off a bit and have some understanding (at least most people do). So why not the same for someone who is elderly. So my rule is, instead of getting flustered and ruining my mood for something unnecessary, just assume they’re elderly. Be patient, calm yourself and enjoy the drive. We give slack for ‘L’ platers (most people, I like to think) so why not someone elderly. And if that doesn’t work for you, assume they’re disabled if you have to. Heck, even assume they’re just really stoned and are driving extra cautiously on the road! Who cares… Any reason to not make a dent in your day or anyone else’s I say.
I do believe there was some talk years ago about getting ‘S’ plates for senior drivers but evidently, that never came into affect. Someone should probably hit someone up about that… maybe I will…
Don’t assume they’re interested
Ladies and gentlemen, please stop mistaking kindness or banter or just plain attention for interest. Unfortunately these days, with everything being online and through opposing screens, it’s getting harder and harder to “read” people. In saying this, even in person, people still mistaken just plain charm for flirtation. I’m sorry but some are just a bundle of warmth and it does not mean they are trying to insinuate anything. Just enjoy the conversation, without an assumed interpretation! If they give you a compliment – it was just a compliment. If they laugh at your joke – it was just a funny joke. If they say they missed you – they just missed you. If they want to hang out 1v1 – they just wanna hang. Some people are just nice. And you can tell yourself they are giving you mixed signals but everyones interpretation of a sign is different, so don’t assume they’re interested because most of the time, they probably aren’t.
Assume they’re having a bad day
You know that one random time, that one random person just said or did something completely uncalled for? A customer or a worker or your boss or family member, etc. We’ve all experienced this at least one time. Someone just trumping all over your happy spirits. The worst part is its either on a really good day when you thought the world was all sunshine and rainbows to then be slapped in the face with the sad reality that people just really suck. Or its on a day when all the things have happened to you that day and now every little thing is getting to you and just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse, this asshole just pops a little mouldy, half bitten, saggy cherry on top. So yes that sucks, however, when things like this happen I like to “put myself in their shoes”. I imagine they’ve heard some bad news or they’re having one of those days where every little thing was happening to them and at this point they just needed to release their frustration out on someone. No that’s not cool and they could very well just be a mean person by nature, but just assuming and giving the benefit of the doubt, it ends the vicious cycle of anger that circles around on a bad day. And who wouldn’t want that!
Assume they’re married
I want to say this is aimed at single people but who knows anymore… At some point in my life, I came to realise that there are boundaries that have to be made with people of the opposite sex. Whether or not you have intentions, there are just certain things that you need to be aware of on both sides. From observation and personal experience, I’ve learnt it is ALWAYS better to assume someone of the opposite sex is in a relationship. You are then fully accountable for your behaviour and respectable to anyone else’s expectations. I know some may be thinking this is a bit of an extreme thing but whether you notice it or not, people act a different way towards someone who has a ring on their finger as apposed to someone who doesn’t… well most people at least. I’m not saying when I’ve figured out someone is single, I immediately start acting different, no. I just mean by being respectful of boundaries from the get go means you know you’ve done your part and if there does happen to be a significant other, there is no reason for you to feel like you’ve gotten “too close”.
Don’t assume
Yes well besides the three I have listed above, which are more for your own sake than others, no one gets anywhere by making crazy assumptions. Why? Because you’re usually wrong. And even if you aren’t, what was the point of bringing your emotions and thoughts somewhere it didn’t need to be. Just chill. Enjoy life. Don’t stress and don’t overthink. Just take each moment, every encounter and every feeling as it comes in its own time, without any preconceptions. That’s kinda the way things are supposed to play out anyway!